Smiling

Colleen's pain subsided on Monday. We are so happy that God has( once again) answered our prayers. Colleen is still very weak and does not feel well most days. Yesterday she did have a good day. It was wonderful to see her smiling and giggling again. Just 2 more weeks of intense chemotherapy and then, on to maintenance. We are looking forward to Colleen having mostly good days in the near future. Please continue to pray that the next 2 weeks will go by without any complications, and the this terrible cancer will stay in remission. It has been a challenging 8 1/2 months but we are grateful for many things. Grateful for answered prayers, grateful that we have grown closer as a family, grateful that God has reminded us that  our relationship with him is the most important thing in life. We hope that you too will remember that life is very short and worthless unless we know him as our Savior. Some have asked me what this means. This is a prayer that is said initially confessing to God that we know we are sinners then asking Jesus to come into our heart and lives. We then make a conscious effort to attend church regularly, and live a life( with God's help) that is pleasing to him. We are not perfect or better than anyone else just forgiven by God. Christ died on the cross to pay for our sins, but we must accept this gift and make a conscious effort to live a life which is as Christ-like as possible. It is not enough just to say a prayer once- we must have a personal relationship with him. Thank you again for praying. Colleen has done very well through her intensive chemotherapy and we know that this is because so many of you have been praying regularly. Our God is AWESOME!

Matthew 6:19-22 Do not lay up for yourselves treasures upon the earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroy, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is , there will your heart be also. 

Matthew 7:13 to 23   Enter by the narrow gate: for the gate is wide, and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and many are those who enter it. For the gate is small, and the way is narrow that leads to life, and few are those who find it. Not everyone who says to me,Lord, Lord, will enter the kingdom of heaven; but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me, Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles? And then I will declare to them," I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness. 

It is our greatest desire that many will hear God's word and accept him as their savior. This entire illness would be worth it all if just one person comes to know Christ and enters the gates of heaven to worship God forever with us in heaven.

Home at last

Colleen came home last night and after being placed on dilaudid 4 mg every 4 hours is finally more comfortable. She was able to work on some homework. She is still having a little bit of pain but nothing she cannot tolerate. Thank you for praying. We are so grateful that she is feeling better. We will begin to wean her off of the medication as soon as possible. The doctors were reluctant to use dilaudid because it is so strong but she really does need it at this time. After speaking with her oncologist, we decided to hold off on the nerve conduction study. If the pain does not improve soon, the test will need to be done but is not required at this time. Colleen does not need to take dexamethasone anymore and only has 2 doses of vincristine left. We are almost to maintenance. We are looking forward to the day when all this pain and nausea are gone for good. Please pray that the chemotherapy will be effective and the cancer will not reoccur. We are expecting total healing but only God knows what our path will be. A doctor asked me the other day if i woke up a lot at night worrying about Colleen and I honestly said no. We know that God's plan for us is best and we rest knowing that God is all knowing and all powerful. Thank you for your prayers. 

Still at Childrens with pain

Colleen remains at Children's Hospital she is still on high doses of Intravenous morphine but it is not touching the pain. Her pain level is 7 at this time. She has not slept in the last 4 days. She was able to sleep for about an hour twice last night after benadryl 50 mg iv push. She is understandably frustrated and irritated. The pain team feels that this is a neuropathic or nerve pain which is harder to control. Yesterday they started giving her neurontin for the nerve pain but this takes a few days to work. I am going to request that they try another drug for pain today and if it is not effective, bring her home. She really does not want to be at the hospital and i cannot say that i blame her. We can suffer much more comfortably on the couch at home. Please pray that something will give her some relief. This is by far the most difficult time since she was diagnosed in January. Please pray for wisdom for the doctors and the pain team. Thank you

Uncontrolled pain

Colleen's pain did not improved over the weekend -despite taking long acting morphine 45mg's every 12 hours. I spoke with her oncologist this morning and decided that she should be admitted for uncontrolled pain. Colleen had not slept well in a few days and when the dog jumped on the couch, it was causing a great deal of pain. Colleen preferred to stay home and suffer, but I told her that( in this day and age), there are many pain control options available and there is no reason to suffer. She was really angry with me- I hope that one day she will understand.I can understand that she did not want to go back to the hospital but suffering just is not an option. It breaks a moms heart to see her child needlessly suffer. One day, I hope she will forgive me. She is currently at children's again. The pain team has placed her on a patient controlled analgesia or pca so that she can give her own pain meds tonight. Please pray that this will be a short admission and her pain will be easily controlled. 

When I think about how unfair it is that a child should suffer in pain, it makes me think about the sacrifice that God made in sending his son to die a horrible death on the cross. What we are experiencing as parents is heart wrenching but pales in comparison to that sacrifice. It makes me reflect on the love that God has for us. We did not deserve such love and still as sinners do not. I am so blessed that God chose me to be his own and has also chosen my immediate family. It is a gift which is truly undeserved and is priceless. 

1 Peter 1:13 to 17 

And who is there to harm you if you prove zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed. And do not fear their intimidation, and do not be troubled, but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and perseverence; and keep a good conscience so that in the thing in which you are slandered , those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. For it is better, if God should will it so, that you suffer for doing what is right rather than for doing what is wrong. For Christ also died for sins once for all, the just for the unjust, in order that he might bring us to God, having been put to death in the flesh, but made alive in the spirit.

Emergency room visit

It has been a long few weeks. The last few days Colleen's feet have been hurting. The doctor feels this may be related to the steroids Colleen was taking last week. Last night at 12 o'clock Colleen woke me up to tell me that the the pain was all over her body especially severe in the knees and feet. We tried giving morphine but it did not touch the pain. We used heating pads all over to try to alleviate the pain but it did not help. Finally at about 245 Colleen was just shaking in pain and almost unable to walk. We got her to the car and took her to the emergency room at children's hospital. She received 6mg of morphine thru the IV and finally the pain was improved-not gone but praise God bearable. She got to come home at about 7am we continued to give the immediate release morphine around the clock for the pain. I spoke with her oncologist who ordered long acting morphine. She is still having moderate pain and needing the immediate relief morphine every 3 hours. Please pray that the pain will subside. Colleen is not one to complain or take pills or shots but after the morphine in the iv, she stated that she would be willing to take morphine injections at home. This means her pain is really severe because she has a needle phobia. Thank God that the morphine works. Once again, we received excellent care at Children's Hospital. Thank you to all the doctors and nurses who have provided so much care and support to our family. Just 4 more weeks and counting of this intensive chemotherapy. We look forward to the day when Colleen is feeling better. Thank you for your prayers. 

Revelation 21: 4-7 states and He shall wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there shall no longer be any death, there shall no longer be any mourning, or crying or pain: the first thing have passed away. and He who sits on the throne said,"Behold I am making all things new."And He said to me," It is done. I am the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give to the one who thirsts from the spring of the water of life without cost. He who overcomes shall inherit these things, and I will be his God and he will be My son. 

We look forward to the day when Christ returns for all believers. A day when children no longer will have to suffer and pain is no longer a part of our lives. 

Pray for relief

Colleen is just feeling terrible today. She felt so bad that she did not get out of her pajamas- for her this is very rare. Please pray that God will relieve the nausea and stomach pain and that she will feel better. It is really hard to watch her suffer. We appreciate your prayers for Colleen. 

Last 5 weeks then maintenance

Sorry it has been so long since I have posted. Colleen has entered the last phase before maintenance therapy. She will receive intensive chemotherapy for another 5 weeks. She has been really nauseated and at times, not feeling well at all. This is the same sort of chemotherapy that she received when she was first diagnosed. We are thankful that the end is in sight. Colleen is trying to keep up with online schooling with alpha and omega but it is a real challenge when she feels so terrible. Please pray that she will feel well enough to keep up with her studies. Maintenance which will entail chemotherapy monthly with spinal taps and chemo in the spine once about every 3 months will begin when her blood counts rise  after this next 5 weeks of chemo have been completed. Colleen is currently on dexamethasone twice daily which is an anticancer drug. This causes mood swings and irritability and a veracious appetite please pray that the side effects will be tolerable and she will do well. 
     Despite the fact that she has not been feeling great, Colleen was able to venture out yesterday to go see Spider man and was able to go to the zoo today. We are so thankful for God's goodness during this time. Please remember to continue to pray that the chemotherapy will be effective, that the cancer will not reoccur, and that Colleen will feel well enough to keep up with her schoolwork, Once again, thank you all for praying. We know that our Lord hears and answers our prayers. We still have a peace that only the Lord can provide. We know that everything that happens is meant for good and we look forward to seeing how the Lord will use Colleen some day to bless others as a result of this trial.
     James 1 says- Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trails, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. Blessed is the man that perseveres under trial, for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life, which the Lord has promised to those who love him. 
     James 5:13 says- Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praises. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, annointing him with oil in the name of the Lord: and prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. We know many are praying and our Lord will keep his promises. Thank you again.